Crufts people aren't my tribe but if I could get a little weirder

Dogs, Riverdance, bhangra. It’s hard to tell what’s going on. But in the end I feel almost at home

AtBirmingham’s National Exhibition Centre, a woman dressed as Lawrence of Arabia has just placed a plastic palm tree in the middle of the arena before going to retrieve her dog. Moments later, the music starts and the woman begins a vaguely Middle-Eastern dance while her pooch stares up at her lovingly and tries to keep track of her movements. Every so often, just for the hell of it, he skips between her legs or shuffles sideways.

Now I love dogs. I even count how many I come across on the way to work: the more I see, the better the day is going to be. It’s an OCD thing. But even I have to admit I haven’t got a clue what’s going on. Nor, it turns out, does our Lawrence of Arabia as halfway through her routine she unexpectedly withdraws from the competition.

Next to appear is a woman dressed like something out of Riverdance. Her pooch also stares up at her lovingly, trying to keep track of her movements and darting between her legs to an Irish jig. Much the same thing happens with a woman dressed like an Indian, dancing to a bhangra soundtrack while her dog tries to humour her by tagging along.